i need an iv and a liver transplant
it hurts more in the daytime
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
