# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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