Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
