they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
