i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
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I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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