He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
