are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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