Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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