i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
