I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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