Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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