Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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