capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
