Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.