Duck Duck Cougar?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
