your thong is hanging out like whoa
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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