remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
