Pappa wants mamma naked
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
