are you still at the devil's house?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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