Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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