This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found puke in my bra..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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