So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
