I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
