I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
