She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize