Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
