how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
