the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We have so much sex to catch up on
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
