Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
