We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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