hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
