i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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