Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
