Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
