It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
