i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
