dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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