I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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