i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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