dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
