I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
