who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
