So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
