Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
