i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
