We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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