Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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