i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
