I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
