Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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