I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
