There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
