OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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