If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
