If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
