I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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