Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
