my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
