i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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