Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
