I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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