There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize