I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
