shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
