On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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