we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
