I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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