his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
