I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
