So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
