I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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